If she doesn’t want to, then she doesn’t want to. Giving a stubborn cat a pill can be a real challenge. Unfortunately, what must enter must enter! But wait, has anyone really asked the cat his opinion? Take this, slave can opener!
How to give a cat a tablet: in 14 simple steps
1. Bend the cat with your left arm as if you were holding a baby. Place your right thumb and middle finger on either side of the mouth and apply gentle pressure until the cat opens it. Insert the pill and let the cat close its mouth.
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2. Collect the pill on the floor and take the cat out from behind the sofa.
3. Pick it up again and repeat the process.
4. Take the cat out of the bedroom and throw away the smudged pill.
5. Take a new pill from the box, hold the cat again and hold the paws with your left hand. Force your jaw open and slide the pill into the back of your mouth. Count to 10.
6. Take the pill from the aquarium and the cat from the wardrobe. Call your husband from the garden.
7. Kneel on the floor and hold the cat between your knees. Hold your front legs firmly. Ignore the cat’s growl. Ask your husband to hold the cat’s head and slide a wooden ruler down the neck. Let the pill roll down the ruler.
8. Pick the cat from the tent.
9. Take one pill out of the package. Make a note of buying a new ruler and repairing the curtain. Wrap the cat in a large towel. Wrap the pill on the end of a straw. Ask your husband to put the cat in a headlock. Use a ballpoint pen to open the cat’s mouth and blow the pill down his throat. Read the leaflet to make sure the pill is harmless to humans.
10. Drink a glass of water to eliminate the flavor of the pill. Bandage your husband’s arm and remove the blood from the carpet with cold soapy water. Take the cat out of the neighbor’s house.
11. Take a new pill. Place the cat in a closet and close the door at the neck so that the head is visible. Use a dessert spoon to open your mouth. Slide the pill down the cat’s throat with a rubber band.
12. Take a screwdriver from the garage and put the door back on its hinges. Put cold packs on your face and check the date of your last tetanus shot. Throw away your bloody shirt and get a new one. Let the firefighters pull the cat out of the tree on the opposite street. Apologize to the neighbor who entered the enclosure to avoid the cat.
13. Remove the last pill from the package. Tie the cat’s front and back legs with a clothesline. Tie them to the legs of the dining table. Put on your gardening gloves and open your mouth with the help of a crowbar. Fill the pill, followed by a large piece of tenderloin steak. Hold the cat’s head upright and pour in the water to rinse the pill.
14. Let your husband take you to the hospital. Stand still while the doctor sews your fingers and arm and removes the pill from your right eye. On the way back, stop at the furniture store and order a new table. And now get a dog!